with/without

Today I am without my engagement ring, as Ryan wanted to take it in to get its yearly cleaning. It’s hard to believe that he’s had the ring for more than a year now – he bought it on Halloween 2004 – and that I’ve had it for more than 8 months. My hand feels weird every time I wash my hands, or put on lotion, or stick my hands in my pockets, or pick up a pen. That ring has barely left my hand over the past 8 months, and it’s very strange to be without it.

You can’t tell from the picture, but there’s a little bit of a dent on my ring finger now. It’s visible, and when I run my fingers over the spot, I can feel where the ring has made its home on my hand. On the inside of my hand, there’s a spot that’s a little harder – almost like a callous – where the ring has been.

I know it’s probably a metaphor that’s been used over and over again, but it’s true… the ring’s presence reminds me of Ryan, and its absence feels strange, the same way that I feel weird when one of us is out of town, or when I’m at home alone. And through our presence and sometimes our friction and un-moving-ness, we’ve really made a home for ourselves in one another’s lives, a dent in each other.

Other than being ring-less, today’s an average day. A cold front has come through, and the humidity is very low, and it’s cold, and so my nose feels all dry and uncomfortable. And my hands are dry. And my face is dry, and my sweater feels staticky, and my hair is all dried out and fly-away-ish. We have bowling tonight, after being on hiatus for the holiday last week, so hopefully I can do some pin damage and keep improving my average. And with the bowling comes the pizza and beer, which I really haven’t had much of in two weeks (save the pint I had at Flying Saucer when Janette was in town).

Last night Ryan and I went to the tux shop for his “groom fitting”… wow, it’s so funny, there’s all this “bride this” and “bride that” but I haven’t heard much “groom” anything. So it was cute. We decided on a shawl collar, with 1-button tuxes for the ‘men and a 2-button for Ryan. Of course, that wasn’t either of the ones he tried on (he’d picked them out with John, but we ended up not liking either of them when he put them on), but they’re going to let him try the new one on, even though they’re “really not supposed to pull more than two for fitting.” Total opposite than the ol’ bridal shops, where they pull dress after dress until you don’t know which dress you want. (Never mind that I do know, I just can’t afford it, so…)

Didn’t make it to the gym last night, though… by the time we got the notion to go it was 9pm, and we didn’t want to get home and be all gross at 10:30, so instead we watched TV and drank a bottle of wine (Wrongo Dongo, it’s a red, very in-your-face). Not so healthy, but hey, it’s good for the heart, right?

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One response to “with/without

  1. I like your metaphor about the ring and your relationship–making a home in each other’s lives. . .very cool.

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