This morning has largely been spent showing other people how to do the stuff that I do, so that all will not be lost when I start my new job next week. Do I really do so much for the department? If I’m really as important as everyone says I am, how come I don’t make more money?
Had a little bit of a wedding-stress-induced tiff with Ryan last night, which was a total flash in the pan… he made a joke, I took it badly, I screamed a choice obscenity-laden phrase, he tossed a notepad at me, it hit the tea glass I was holding, and iced tea spilled all over me, the couch, and the floor. We wordlessly cleaned it up, he went to his room to cool down, I (already cooled by the tea, lemme tell ya) went to the kitchen and cleaned up dinner dishes. He came out and apologized a few minutes later, I apologized, and all was fine again.
Still, how can a day that’s hyped to be so full of joy be so freakin’ hard to put together? Maybe it is the hype… that it’s supposed to be the perfect day. Why should it be a perfect day when every other day in my whole life is wonderfully imperfect? Even after getting tea all over me, I was initially mad, but after a few minutes of being upset I realized that this was a funny fight, and it all stemmed from a joke anyway. On days that we had parties in Joplin, I spent a good bit of it running around town and getting the party together, and then when everyone left we had this big mess to clean up, but usually we just basked in the fun we’d had and didn’t worry too much about the mess until the next day. And if something went wrong at the party, it was never a catastrophe.
I pride myself on my general level-headedness, but I feel like Ryan has bought into the perfect wedding hype and wants me to, also. And I guess a part of me has, the part of me that gets snappy and irritable when wedding problems crop up. I need to find a way to put the fun back into it, and take the pressure off. Because otherwise, when things go wrong, I’m gonna end up wearing the tea every time.