Today, I have three months until the wedding. Three months to dispense large amounts of money we may or may not have. Three months to accumulate a bevy of accessories, foundation garments, shoes, decorations, and other accoutrements that I may or may not use after June 3rd. Three months to have messed-up dreams in which I forget to get a caterer, or yell at my mom because I forgot to buy a strapless bra, or any number of strange situations that my sub-conscious seems to be convinced will happen.
On the other hand, it is three months until the day I celebrate, before God, my family, and my friends, my love for Ryan and the lifetime journey we are about to embark upon. Three months till the delicious food, the delightful dancing, the re-uniting with friends we haven’t seen in a long time, the memories we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. Three months until I get to wear that beautiful dress for a day, and wear that special ring for the rest of my life.
In other words… it’s totally crunch time.
I’ve been characterizing it lately as the idea that while I am beyond excited about marrying Ryan, I am apprehensive and nervous about getting everything done. People like to ask, “Are you nervous?” I always give them the above answer. I can’t wait for this to be over; I can’t wait for the next phase of life to begin.
I talked to Mom yesterday while I was driving home from work, and told her about the bra-les dream, and we talked about a few other wedding things. She mentioned that she figured out what she wanted to do with her wedding dress… make heirloom christening gowns for her grandkids. I joked with her that I wasn’t even married yet and she was already putting me on the baby-spot, but I think it’s a really neat idea, and something that will surely mean a lot for years down the road. And it was neat to think, for a moment, about my parents being grandparents, and about Ryan and I growing into a family.
For three more months, though, I’m just a bride-to-be, trembling between blissful anticipation and nervous dreams that wake me up in a sweaty panic. Ahhh, the joy of planning a wedding…