I haven’t been posting about Weight Watchers here, I’ve mostly been keeping it confined to my progress blog on my weight loss site. I guess that this blog and that blog are two sides of the same coin. But I still like to have this space to kind of ramble about happenings and goings-on that have nothing to do with food.
Still, there is bound to be some overlap. While doing Weight Watchers is only a part of my life – and indeed, the actual time I spend eating and attending meetings is not that great – it’s still becoming a part of who I am. I know that there will be a lot of internal changes that will come with the external ones. I’ve spent such a long time with this protective layer of fat that I really don’t know how life will be without it.
I’ve been getting a lot of compliments lately about my weight loss, which is still at about 21 pounds (I had a .2 gain this week). It’s encouraging, because lately I have been struggling a bit with cravings and temptations. First it was Thanksgiving, then the entire month of December and all the cookies that paraded through our house (some of them self-inflicted!), now it is the post-New Year’s letdown and a raging bout of PMS. I am really trying to stave off the cravings, but right now I am fighting the internal battle of what my body thinks it wants versus what my mind knows it needs. I may lose a little ground, even. But I’ll get it back.
I went to choir practice last night at church and there was a thank-you card in the mailbox from the pastor’s wife. She mentioned that she could tell that Ryan and I were both losing weight. I can tell a little bit in the way my jeans fit, but when I look in the mirror I feel like I look the same. Some of the people on the Weight Watchers message board that I read have said that even after losing more than 100 pounds, they still look in the mirror and see the same person that they were when they started. I wonder if it will be that way for me. I have been vigilant about keeping up my progress charts because so far that little blue line has been the most telling symbol of my success so far. It was a little bumpy at first, but now it is largely going down, down, down.
I updated the graph today to break out the major milestones for me – each 10% of my starting weight. I am getting very close to losing my first 10% and I think that seeing it really brings it home for me… I have come a long way so far, and I can go the rest of the way!
I have had a lot of support so far, both from my friends and family and from strangers online who have gone through this and are going through this now. I like talking with Ryan about the future, and about how excited I am to take control of the future and really enjoy it as a healthy person. I like talking to him about taking our cruise after I reach Lifetime. I like talking to him about starting a family when I am at a healthy weight. He’s been patient and understanding, and I think that he has been getting excited about my progress as well.
I don’t know why I felt the need to write this today… I guess I’m hovering between feeling proud of my progress, cranky about my cravings, and determined to defeat the fat. That’s an okay place to be. I will get to where I need to be, in time.